THE LONE GUNMEN
PORT OF MIAMI - PIER 9
Carnival Cruise Lines
EXT. THE IMAGINATION - LIDO DECK-DAY
A rotund, grizzled man in his late thirties
double checks, making sure he is alone at
pool side. Aside from less than a handful of
sundry galley personnel scurrying to and fro,
he is. It is a sun-drenched Floridian
afternoon with balmy breezes ruffling many
The Carnival "fun ship" is due to set sail
at seventeen hundred hours. Plenty of time.
He extracts a petite vial from the inside
pocket of his orange coveralls. While he
unstoppers the vial, he looks around before
pouring the pale grey contents into the pool.
In seconds, and to his satisfaction the grey
Moving off slowly, he then enacts the
identical procedure with the end of the pool
that allows for splashdown after coursing
down the winding slide. Done, he whisks the
vial back into his pocket, dons his mop and
continues the chore conveniently being used
as a cover. Ten minutes later, he disembarks
from the same entryway he had used, sneaking
An obsidian black van waits for him. Once
inside, the handsome driver, Alex Krycek,
congratulates him, and then gets out. Krycek
watches the man take the driver's seat.
I'm positive. No one saw me. The solution
As I told you it would. I'll see you in a
week, barring incident.
(hands off an additional vial)
(nods, but looks unreadable)
He begins walking off, haltingly turns around,
and gives a brief wave. The man acknowledges
it with a sleight dip of his head.
FADE TO BLACK
OPEN ACT I
INT. CRUISE REGISTRATION TERMINAL-LATE
Two long lines ring the noisy receiving
hall as prespective vacationers wait to
sign-in before boarding the 'Imagination,'
their "fun ship," for this week-long
(snidely, his entire face a smirk)
Yo, dude you look like a refugee from a
subsidized Club Med. Really dig those
clodhoppers you call sandels. One
fashion victim to go. . .
You were smart to wear jeans, Scarecrow.
Wouldn't want to terrorize a defenseless
public with cut-offs. Your knees give
knobby a whole new meaning.
(taking it in stride)
What's with the straw hat? And that
shirt's gotta go. We're sailin' to the
Yucatan, not Honolulu.
(snaps his clip-ons down over his
Cut me some slack, Mr. FV number two.
I'm on vacation.
(returns the shrug)
Yeah, cool. Like, whatever.
(surveys the throng.)
Think they'll hold the boat?
(stops her perusal of a colorful
Don't be ridiculous, of course. This
is standard operating procedure for
(in an aside to Langly)
Doesn't she look hot, or what?
(throws a look their way, frowning)
I heard that. It's just cottony slacks
and a sleeveless blouse. Put your eyes
back in their sockets.
The men grin wide at her despite her
(waves them off)
I know these lines look formidable, but
believe me, everyone gets processed in
record time. I've never heard or seen
anyone ever left behind.
What are you saying Scully?
That I've been on a cruise or two befo--
Without me? I'm hurt, partner.
I can't imagine why.
(his eyebrows hop up and down)
Sculleee, you never told me you're a
veteran. Think of all the fun we could
have had already...
There's a lot you don't know about me,
Anyway, I've cruised with Holland America,
mostly, and if this company's anything
like HA, we'll be ushered on and into
the 'Welcome Aboard' buffet in record
time, trust me.
(casts a meaningful look Mulder's way)
When I spoke to Lis, twenty minutes ago,
she said she'd meet us, but I don't see
(shifts his attention back to Langly)
How are your partners in virtual reality
going to get along without you for a
They'll survive. I told 'em I'd bring
'em back a couple of T-shirts as souvenirs.
(snickering with a deadpan expression)
You're all heart.
Lazily, Langly's eyes roam freely through
the colorful tumult of pleasure seekers.
That's what they said.
Hey, Scully, isn't that your cousin?
Cue in to a svelte young woman, wearing
a milky white sheer, thin-strapped dress,
she looking like the epitome of a
summer's day. She spots her relative
and the men with her. Her smile washes
over Scully's face, and lingers for
She's so beautiful. She ought to be in
pictures. The big screen.
Mulder chuckles, and nods, but doesn't
(his knees are shaking, and he mumbles)
God. . .
(gulps, trying to sound in command of
his tremulous voice, but looks like he's
having a seizure as she comes into
H-H-Hi. . .
The cousin unhooks, then re-hooks the
cordoning rope, a study of swiftness in
action. She hugs Scully first, shakes
Mulder's hand, and joyously throws her
arms around Langly's neck to hug him
'Mi vida. . .bienvenido!'
. . .Welcome!
I've missed you so much.
Mulder's quick hands save Langly's
glasses from doing a hard smack-down
against the ground.
MAN BEHIND THEM IN LINE
Get a cabin.
(more to his wife)
Sheesh, ain't even on the Love Boat yet,
but can't wait to get at it, and don'tcha
just know they *ain't* married.
Lislita abruptly ends the public display
of affection, apologizing profusely,
catching Scully's eye in mid-appeasement.
Scully mildly acknowledges.
(softly to Langly)
Can't help it though, I've really missed
(matches her softness, sounding self-
I really missed you too.
Let's kick your vacation into high gear.
(she gives the party a high sign)
Come. Follow me.
She grasps Langly's right hand firmly
with her left, leading him off. He
snatches up his bulging backpack with
Mulder hefts Scully's, Langly's and his
own garment bag while Scully holds the
cordoning rope and the entourage steps
out of the human train.
They follow the shapely young lady over
to the processing desk.
This won't take long. 'Te prometo.' Desi
owes me 'mucho' favors. This will be
three he won't anymore.
She squeezes his hand, and he sees she's
heard, loud and clear.
Only a friend, 'chulito.'
Yeah, sure. I knew that. . .
Desi looks as though he could moonlight
for GQ ads. As the huddle of three wait
behind the cabaret singer, they listen
to Lislita ask him to take care of her
cousin and her friend, and...
Yes, Desi, this is the cute guy I've
been telling you all about. Ringo,
this is Desi Aguilar. Desi, meet Ringo
(shakes Langly's tentative, outstretched
'Mucho gusto en conocerle, amigo.'
Pleased to meet you, friend.
I feel as though I already know you.
He studies all the documentation
necessary for boarding while he talks.
Nothin' but good stuff, I hope.
(but evenly takes it down a notch when
he sees Lislita smiling warmly at him.
Shakes Desi's delicate, manicured hand
with a friendlier gesture)
Glad to know ya.
(with tongue in cheek)
(stamps his final stamp, and issues
their shipboard charge cards to them)
And, you're all set.
The group members collect their things
and begin walking away.
(playfully arches to the performer)
Any chance of my stealing him away,
(rolls her eyes dramatically)
No chance, 'escamoso,' he's taken.
(possessively claims Langly's arm)
And you're not his type. *I'm* his type.
Isn't that right, cutie?
Yes or no?
(snorts through his nose and partially
through his throat as though choking)
Hell yeah. You are. I swing only one
way, not both.
See, Des, I told you. Don't let his
long hair fool you. See me in the new
Wouldn't miss you in it for the world.
INT. THE EMBARADERO THOROUGHFARE- LATER
The couples head for the gangway, Scully
and Mulder in the lead, with Lislita and
Langly bringing up the rear, slowly.
(has braided her arms around Langly's
Sorry I couldn't meet you at the airport.
Rehearsal for this new show ran over.
(self-conscious about how hard she's got
Uh. . .yeah. Hey, like don't sweat it.
We ditched the courtesy bus and opted
for a cab to avoid the crowds. I'm
talkin' it was a cinch to get here.
(glowingly, her dark eyes slide across
I'm so happy you are.
Me too. Can't wait till we're under way.
(brief pause to gulp)
Thanks for inviting me to be your guest.
He scopes out her face nervously and is
rewarded to see her fixated on him,
I've never invited a man to be my guest
before. . .
Unexpectedly, Mulder hitches around.
(dangling the key claims before him)
So, uh, Langly, looks like it's you and
(caught off guard)
How's that grab ya?
(feeding off Langly's suddenly challenging
I do, that's who.
Langly looks to Lislita who looks as
though this is the first she's heard of
Got a problem?
Her rattled look lances clean through him.
(smiles the smile of the victor)
Of course not. Why should I? I'm on
vacation, and I plan on vacationing to
the max. Mulder--
Once we know where your room is, I'll
meet you there so we can go for the
buffet and cocktails, together.
Cocktails at sundown, what could be more
fitting to start this cruise off on an
Mulder's hand nestles itself at the
small of her back as they ride the
elevator up to the main gangway which
is not more than 20 yards away.
Langly is muttering some choice words
under his breath as he regards the
female FBI agent stonily, but when
Lislita whispers in his ear, he can't
help but smile.
So, she's always been pushy like that.
Even when she was a kid. . .
(sounding back in time, with her chin
resting against a portion of his
collarbone for the ride up)
I'll never forget the time when she was
nine, and the family came to Mexico City
for a visit. Since she knew how to say,
'please,' and 'thank you,' and several
other easy things in Spanish, she had
insisted that everyone. . .her mother,
her father, and her sibs speak Spanish
too, or she wouldn't talk to them the
whole time they were there.
So what happened?
(squeezes his waist)
She ignored them, and only spoke to my
family, the maids, and the gardeners in
the worst Spanish you'd never want to
Somehow I knew you were gonna say
something like that.
Maids? Gardeners? That sounds expensive.
Old Mexican money. Is that wrong?
You tell me.
I'm hoping 'Popi' lives forever. He's
the greatest dad 'en todo el mundo.'
In all the world.
But when he passes, the family wealth
falls to me.
So. . .no big surprise why your cuz's so
protective. 'Specially with a guy like
A guy like you? What's wrong with a guy
Nothing--that's what. The bravest man
who risked his life for me.
(keeping her voice down)
Don't get me wrong, I love Dana dearly
but she's used to getting her own way.
Tell me about it. 'Member how thrilled
she wasn't 'cos you decided to stay a
few days extra, to be with me?
Well, now you're here because I want
you to be, and we're going to get to
know each other even better. Much
better. . . Why haven't you told her
about how brave you were that night,
warding off my attacker?
I dunno. I don't see her all that much,
'cept when it's business. Maybe we
could tell her together. Later, you
know. If it comes up.
At the gangway, there're two photog-
raphers waiting for boarding passengers.
Mulder is about to alert them to the
fact that a photo op awaits them, but
is beat out.
So, uh. . .how do we wanna do the 'Bon
(bouncing a quasi-pensive, stonewalling
look off the group)
Scully's the expert here, Alfred Fellig's
identity wasn't *that* long ago.
Aim, shoot, smile. Fellig wasn't a
photographer. He was a puzzle. An
anomaly. One I want to forget.
So. . .you can admit that now.
Thanks for bringing up something I'd
very much like to forget.
We're on vacation. Give it a rest?
Mulder gives her a toothy grin.
The four of us together?
The cameraman waits patiently for them
to decide, tapping his foot impatiently,
Let's do a Noah's Ark, before that
photographer breaks all over us and
camera whips us.
Lislita sniggers behind her hand.
Two-by-two. I think we can manage that,
huh? Scully? Me and you?
His hand, already resting at the small
of her back, closes over the accomodating
spot. She cocks her head at him, looking
Mulder sets the baggage down, and Langly
flips up his clip-ons. He gets a load of
the Agents, striking a very chummy pose.
No sooner do Lislita and Langly grip each
other tight, the pictures are snapped.
At the last possible moment, Mulder gives
Scully's cheek a peck.
Hey! We forgot to say cheese.
Lislita brushes the backs of her fingers
against his cheek, and he smiles, all
full of himself.
(tones it down, sounding iffy)
Ha-have I like told you how gr-great you
You didn't have to. I can see it in your
eyes, 'mi vida. . .'
You've been sayin' that 'vida' thing a
lot. What exactly does it mean?
(bursting to tell)
It means my life. . .my everything.
Stunned, Langly doesn't say a thing and
gives her a long look, laced with
Translation's a beautiful thing. Maybe
before this trip's through, you can teach
me some more Spanish, not that I'm
promising I'll ever be too good. All you
haveta do is ask Frohike how much I suck
with Spanish, but. . .
Sayin' stuff like you just did, ya know,
well. . . I'm willin' ta give it my best
He cinches her into himself closer and
his nose does a nose-dive into the crown
of Lislita's perfumed head as they
approach the gangway's wide entrance,
decked with festive balloons.
Lislita starts humming softly and as
Langly lodges his forearm beneath her
chin, tucking it into the hollow of her
swan-like neck, her volume increases.
(looks up into his eyes)
We are going to have so much fun.
CAMERA PANS OVER
We see Krycek, who had posed as one of
the photographers, remove the coke
bottle-lensed glasses and pug rubber nose
he wore in disguise once the FBI Agents
and the blond man are no longer in sight.
Not missing a beat, he whirls around all
set to take on his next ship-bound
subjects. He trains the camera on the
mother and her daughter of similar
muscular body build.
(his grin twists into a perverse smile)